


Price to Pay

by quiet__tiger



Category: Batman (Comics)
Genre: Gen, Introspection, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-17
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-10-19 22:35:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10649463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quiet__tiger/pseuds/quiet__tiger
Summary: Batman thinks about his family.





	Price to Pay

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after [Two Down, One to Go](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10629840).
> 
> Originally posted to Livejournal Jul. 2nd, 2007.

It’s not easy being Batman.

It is a gross understatement, I know. To adequately explain what it is like to become the Batman would take a doctoral thesis and more time than anyone has in this frantic, fragile world.

But it is still no excuse for my behavior at times. Dick is wrong when he says I am incapable of feeling. More often the problem is that I cannot allow myself to acknowledge what I do experience. There is a difference.

I have recognized the signs that my boys are having difficulty coping with the lives I have given them. It is arduous, watching them suffer for what I have done to them, or in the case of Tim, what he asked for.

Dick struggles with relationships and intimacy; one factor of that may be that he is so easy to love and impossible to lose. I would know. Maybe he is following in my footsteps, except with me the problem is the other way around.

Having a brother has helped him; he has someone to talk to who is not quite family and not quite a friend, but somewhere in between. There is love there, something special. I do not know if it is enough.

I am fairly certain Dick is sleeping with Tim. They are far too clever to be caught, but sex results in far too many involuntary tells. I do not have a problem with this development, exactly, they will be less likely to hurt each other in the long run, but this may not be the best time for it.

The Mission must come first.

I know they feel it comes before them. It was not always supposed to happen like that. But everything got too big, too complicated. We were merely the first to be consumed.

I knew Tim was sick. But I could not let myself believe it. He has always been so strong. Stronger than Dick in some ways. They have both lost family, friends. I did not expect Tim to crack.

I would have expected him to do it over the clone, if anyone. Certainly not Impulse. Kid Flash. The Flash. Whomever. There was something there with the clone. He would not constantly steal the jet for trips to Kansas unless he was getting more than companionship out of the friendship. Part of me is disgusted, the other intrigued. I was never able to get Clark, and I have no interest in Kara. What is a Kryptonian like in bed?

Tim is better now. He is getting therapy, and Dick has been by his side. I help where I can. It is not enough, and we all know it. But he is strong, and he will heal.

And so will Dick. The scars on his legs, the ones in straight, parallel lines, anyway, are faded now. There has not been a fresh one since Tim entered therapy. I do not know if Dick wanted me to see them or not. They were not well-hidden. But he never asked to talk. As if he wanted to see if I would notice.

I did.

But I did not know what to do.

I do not know what to do.

I can fight.

I cannot heal them or myself.

It is not that I do not care about my sons. I do not know if I _can_.

I made the rules, and they in turn make me. I do not always have the right equipment to play.

I do know that it hurts to see them in pain. I do not want them to be in pain.

That is not part of the Mission.

The only way to end their suffering is to let them go. Love something and set it free.

But even if I could, I do not believe they would go.

They are too much like me.


End file.
